FLAUNT MAGAZINE COLUMNS 02
To all of those who believe the answer to finding true love lies hidden in some mysterious, psychic secret, I have a special valentine for you. In doing this psychic thing that I do, I have looked at a gazillion questions and or situations concerning every kind of love your little heart could imagine. So as my Hallmark-hyped holiday gift, I’m sharing my cherished top-ten insights on creating relationships. Warning: You may wish to check your consciousness right about now. If you are not in the market for a shift, this is a good time to turn the page and continue onward with whatever level of illusion works for you.
Contrary to what one may believe:
10. Destiny is not set in stone.
9. Just because you are attracted to someone does not mean you are supposed to have relations with him, her or it.
8. Soul mate seekers beware, if and when you do find your other half, don’t be shocked when the honeymoon is over and karmic issues rear their ugly head causing you to dislike each other very much. (Relax you do get to spend forever together, one day.)
7. No one up above has sprinkled moon dust on anyone’s hair, nor prepicked who’s supposed to end up whit whom. You’re all on your own free will kids.
6. True, everything does happen for a reason but sometimes the reason is that someone was not paying attention nor taking responsibility for how their actions affected others.
5. The one and only thing you can control in this existence is you. Meaning there is no spell that you can cast that to make someone falling love with you.
4. If you are continually attracted to the unavailable, inventory your own personality and look for the parts of you that are not obtainable.
3. Being in an “open” relationship, no matter what enlightened- new-age-bullshit excuse you use, is a total diversion from the fact that you should not be in a relationship at all.
2.Like attracts like. So you might want to take a gander at your expectation list, go within and explore if you yourself are toting around the qualities you are questing for in another.
1. The “secret” to make a relationship work is two people caring about each other so much that they choose to make it work over choosing anything else, period.
03/02 YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEAR
I’ve been in training my entire life to write this. In fact, my very mortal existence just may be about unveiling the following unto the consciousness of man. By the time this has gone to press, God himself may have come down and granted me a pass off this planet with immunity from reincarnating ever again. (Yes, psychic and psychotic are quite a bizarre dichotomy but we’ll save that crux for some other month.) For now join me for some enlightening psychic education about the art of dressing.
The founder of Alcoholics Anonymous was a Spiritualist that believed in mediums. I need to send a psychic message requesting that he inspire his predecessors to start addiction to cable TV meetings. I hate that I get so sucked in to those True Hollywood Celebrity and Behind the Music stories. The only thing that can get me to change the channel is the Sunday night brilliance on HBO where for a few hours the fashions are oh so fabulous and I am transported to somewhere that seems very far away from here. Far away from the diet gurus of the famous on Extra preaching: “You are what you eat.” Well this energy expert says they got it wrong. “You are what you wear.”
To back up what I have here confessed, off I go browsing through my personal recollections of spiritual study notes and psychic insights. Tucked away in my “very important – do not forget” file I find the following fact: When you die, you are remembered not for your intentions, but for what you actually do. Wow. And just like a press pass holding photographer’s flash bulbs exploding on the red carpet at some cheesy star studded awards show, Melissa Rivers is screeching, “How could she wear that?..No Golden Hanger for her!” I download from above a whole new awareness of why we are a culture obsessed with the clothe.
Before we go further I should first explain my self-proclaimed expertness. I have long been a member of the Church of Fashionistas. Named after my grandfather who started our family business of clothing and shoe stores over four decades ago, it’s encoded in my DNA. The first family vacation I remember was to Disneyland. But, before I could meet Mickey I had to accompany my parents to a shoe show. To this day my fond memories of see-through six inch platforms with live goldfish swimming around in the heels surpass all the E ticket rides I have ever been on put together. I grew up with a mother who wrote me notes to miss school just so we could go shopping. I became a fashion designer. My life was all planned out untill my psychic side work over took my design work and my destiny was sewn. Hence, ENOUGH about me. I assure you there is something to the sales pitch here.
For every time you have ever formed an opinion of another based on their appearance, you now can re-contemplate exactly how superficial you were being. I’m not saying that you are here by granted karmic free permission to come up with unjustified assumptions of others. Yet, how you display yourself for the world to see, is the very manifestation of your creative energy which basically translates the energy vibration of YOU. Get my vibe yet?
Let’s investigate why one feels like a million bucks in Gucci, easygoing in Gap, and poor white trash in (all I could think of was MC Hammer pants, but I’d hate to insult anyone so please enter your own idea of white trash here.) Have you ever wondered why vintage shopping can leave you feeling funky or why your lucky shirt is so lucky? Because as Einstein figured out, everything is energy. Unfortunately that means there is much more lurking in that second hand leather jacket than just a bad case of B.O. Scary huh. Just as when two people enter into a relationship their energies start to merge together and over time the two become more and more one. The same goes for your wardrobe. Since like attracts like, your lucky shirt attracts the same until you experience something not so lucky while wearing it. The next time you do, it doesn’t feel that lucky anymore and the affair has run its course. You decide to ditch the shirt, donate it to Goodwill and the shirt takes on an afterlife all its own.
For all of the clothes hanging in your closet that you’ll never wear but can not find the will to throw away. You are hereby justified in feeling attached to an extension of yourself. I know I’ve had judgement passed off on me been for saying no to loaning out a garment from my cherished collection. You bet it’s personal. You couldn’t even begin to put a price on my psychic shopping skills. I have shopped long and hard hours, we’re talking blood, sweat and tears here. So to let you take the credit for looking absolutely amazing in one of my finds would be like loaning out a piece of my soul. It’s hard enough to find a guy I’m excited about exchanging energy with – so forgive me if I keep this relationship all to myself.
The truth is we are all psychic. Whether you are in touch with it or running from it. Your creative expression on any form is not perpendicular, but parallel to your spiritual path how ever you choose to create yourself. You don’t have to sculpt a Michelangelo, or paint a Monet. You can bring your creative energy into being by being the best damn window washer downtown as long as you dig what you do and look damn good doing it!
Finally, getting back to my original point. That person crossing the street sneaking a peak isn’t just checking out what your wearing, they’re reading you on way more than just the surface level. So get dressed, go out and set a new trend today. Whereupon your day, your week, your entire life could turn out much different than predicted. All due to what you have put on you.
Aries: You set trends, make fur and flip-flops work together and glam out in black and Gucci.
Taurus: You spend to look good, skip trending, do classic tailored looks in neutral colors.
Gemini: You experiment, take looks over label, adorn your wrists and like your closet messy.
Cancer: You attach to comfort, jewelry, the color green, and clothes that mix well with sand.
Leo: Bold and flashy, you choose appearance over comfort, and claim victory in Versace.
Virgo: You perfect simplicity, lean toward the conservative, the traditional and fall into the Gap.
Libra: A fashion crisis curer, you love shopping, it shows, don’t care about price, are Armanified.
Scorpio: Master of disguise no slave to fashion, you dress romantic and do undergarments well.
Sagittarius: You dress for yourself over others, wearing what you like until it till it’s no longer wearable.
Capricorn: You stylize practical, classical, bargain hunt, accessory splurge and wear a cell phone.
Aquarius: You change your hair color, like thrift stores, turquoise, anklets, sandals, and nakedness.
Pieces: Attracted to glimmer objects, you’re a chameleon, bargain, thrift shopper, who digs shoes.
04/02 EASTER CHICKEN
There are many ways for one to display an egg. Be it basket, Seder plate, Faberge stand, hidden in technology or smothered in hollandaise. Which ever you favor, Easter is among us and it’s all about rising up. Resurrection, ascension, I like the idea of a holiday centered around an erection.
Seeing that I am a Bat Mitzvahed Jew, I’m not even going to try and strech my intellect around trying to discuss what other religions beleave about Jesus or not. I love being Jewish, I know my soul picked exactly what it wanted this time around. However my psychic life experience has left me no choice but to believe in things that most organized religions strongly do not. In my bible, anything that tells you what to think, versus how to think, is basically the definition of a cult. With that said, I promise I will not be boring you with my grand ideals and greater concepts on religion, Easter, Passover or the price of unleaved bread. With the world being in such a weird place I think we are all in need of a visit from the Easter Chicken. Yes Chicken, because bunnies are for wearing, (all the models are wearing fur again you know.)
When I signed on for being a seer, I took on the duties of reading, researching and exploring every bit of information I could bend my mind around. You see the more stuff I know, the more buttons the guys upstairs I am working with have to push in my head to try and get their message accross. So while some people take up hobbies of ebaying tchotchkies and stamps, I get off on collecting knowledge. Over the years I’ve built a quite a library of odd facts and unique particulars. Thank gosh, I landed this groovy gig in Flaunt where I now get to impress you with all my stchick.
I had a sheltered childhood. I’d never want to assume nor admit that perhaps my mother was racist, but why wasn’t I informed that brown eggs existed until I moved away from home? White shelled eggs are laid by hens with white feathers and brown shelled eggs are laid by hens with red feathers. There is no difference in taste or nutrition between the two. Who knew? Now you do.
I read somewhere that In the kitchen eggs are the cement that holds the castle of cuisine together. It made me think ind of like in life, faith is the adhesive that keeps one adhered to the road of their spiritual path.
Gowing up while all the goy children were being brainwashed that Jesus was a blue-eyed, blonde, white boy. I was corrected by my father that Jesus actually was a Jew. What my dad did not tell me was that, Jesus was actually a black man (Go Sammy Davis Jr!) Okay, not black, but dark skinned like every other native born at the East end of the Mediterranean.
A mother hen turns her egg over about fifty times per day so the yolk won’t stick to the sides of the shell. This gives the egg the fullest opportunity to reach it’s highest destiny, providing nourishment to the one who chooses to feast on it. Lucky for the hen, the egg doesn’t have the consciousness to turn around and say thanks. Looking back, my mother smothered me that much, picking me a part and turning me inside out, that I too was lead to search for what turned out to be my spiritual destiny. Unlucky for her, thanks isn’t the only thing I can turn around and say.
Aries: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: to assert yourself and seek action and adventure.Your biggest spiritual lesson: The world revolves, but unfortunatly not around you. Noteable spiritually inclined Arieans: Thomas Jeferson, Harry Houdini, Maya Angelou, Ram Dass, Linda Goodman. Scary Arieans: Pat Robertson, Elizabeth C. Prophet.
Taurus: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: only to obtain material possessions or if there was more security on the other side. Biggest Spiritual lesson: Finding detachment from your desires by creating. Noteable spiritually inclined Taureans: William Shakespeare, Florence Nightingale, Princess Diana, Pope John Paul II, Shirley MacLaine, Enya. Scary Taureans: Adolf Hitler, Jim Jones, Ayatollah Khomeini, Saddam Hussein, Marshall Herff Applewhite.
Gemini: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: because you didn’t know what was on the other side, and to keep from having a boreing mundane existence. Your biggest spiritual lesson: You must to ask to recieve. Noteable spiritually inclined Geminis: Anne Frank, Norman Vincent Peale, Brigham Young, Walt Whitman, Art Bell. Scary Geminis: Marquis de Sade, Jack Kevorkian, Latoya Jackson.
….Hidden far, far away in a secret disclosed location, Psychic Girl gives a psychic reading to an anonymous super hero in need.
Super Hero: “Psychic Girl, between you and me, if word got out that I had these questions, let alone received a reading from you…Why, I might frighten a few souls into believing that I, (identity protected) The Super Hero am stumbling through this whole gig called life just like everyone else. I just might lose my, GASP.. super status.”
Psychic Girl: “Super Hero, I’d never tell anyone (other than Flaunt’s readers of course) about our little super reading meeting. I am only here to help. Even a Super Hero such as yourself could use a little higher-self connecting now and then. Besides, a true psychic reading should actually help you to better help others, by further understanding yourself.”
Super Hero: “Really? Okay then, I’d like to know how I got here. Because I can’t seem to remember anything before the day I woke up in this strip and started having a Super Hero existence.”
Psychic Girl: “You, Super Hero, are here because some highly creative being reached up into the cosmic whirlpool of universal consciousness and downloaded the concept of you. Your creator allowed himself to be an earthly channel for the muse or guide, (or okay, maybe it was the marijuana) that inspired him with your frequency. He then put pencil to paper and out came the animation manifestation of, BOOM, BANG, BING, Super Hero!”
Super Hero: “So you’re telling me my childhood memories have not been not abducted by aliens?”
Psychic Girl: “Nope, those poor aliens, the dark ones have given the light ones a really nasty rap. From what I understand, the good aliens accidentally blew up their planet and are now hanging out around ours trying to keep us from making the same mistake. If it wasn’t for them we would have been ZAPPED, BLITZED and BLOWN to pieces long, long ago.”
Super Hero: “What? You’re telling me that aliens really do exist? JEEZ, I thought they just made for good story lines!”
Psychic Girl: “Yep, we just can’t see them because they’re energy vibrates at a totally different frequency than ours. That is unless you have special psychic powers or some friendly (or not so friendly) Martian chooses to show itself to you. Isn’t it quite a dichotomy that people are in fear over the very beings that are the ones protecting us? The truth is that we are all aliens. Do you think that anyone would actually consciously pick to be born on this crazy planet? Earth is the insane asylum of the universe. If you are here it’s because at some point, in your past, you have been very, very bad somewhere else and you got karmically sentenced to doing time here. Earth shattering isn’t it?”
Super Hero: “Very. So how then do I go about finding happiness and fulfillment in my life?”
Psychic Girl: “Some great mastermind once shared with me the following, and now I am sharing it with you. As long as you are wanting, you will always be without. When looking outward, the answer lies within, and the only way to create what you desire, is by being that that you want. Upon removing the lead weight from my head, that statement made some sense. Am I’m there yet? Hardly, but am I a little closer to finding happiness, fulfillment and accomplishing my life mission? Perhaps.”
Super Hero: “How will I know when I have accomplished my mission?”
Psychic Girl: “Our work is never done. There is always a new opportunity to overcome, more service to give and a further level of obtainment to achieve.”
Super Hero: “So you’re basically telling me that there is no easy way out.”
Psychic Girl: “You got it!”
Super Hero: “So then what the darn tootin’ is the meaning of my life all about?”
Psychic Girl: Hang on to your cape for this answer, Super Hero. No one outside of yourself, psychic or other, can truly answer that for you. Finding that answer is your spiritual path. I will tell you that a part of your purpose is to impress us with a message, one that can only be realized by those who have the eyes to see and the ears to hear. Just as the great avatar of the Piscean age showed us that within each one of us lies the ability to do as he did. You and your kind (fellow super heroes) are here to do the same. Now please don’t assume that I’m implying that you are the reincarnation of some famous spirit of the past. All I am saying is that the human mind, as beautiful as It is, and can be, gets stuck seeking answers that it will never ever find. We talk ourselves out of divine intervention on a moment to moment basis, daily. For If we could think and do, like you, we could leap buildings in a single bound too.”
Super Hero: “So your saying that in my animated life, I don’t mindfuck myself, and that’s a good thing. But unfortunately, I don’t get to…I mean, SIGH, what I really want to know is…why don’t I have any tools under my tights, Psychic Girl?”
Psychic Girl: “GOLLY, WOW, GOSH, Super Hero. I sure wish I could help you with that one. But that is a question you are going to have to take up with you and your creator. I recommend that you do a little meditating on why your consciousness might hold the belief that you do not deserve. Or heck, maybe you just plain forgot to ask. Either way, my heart goes out to you as that’s a pretty frustrating way to go about learning a lesson. But try to look at the positive side, next life, you know!”
Animated Birthdays Dates are recognized birthdays or first release dates.
Apr 17 Daffy Duck
Apr 24 Sylvester
May 1 Batman
May 5 Yosemite Sam
May 12 Homer Simpson
May 12 Goofy
June 1 Superman
June 9 Donald Duck
June 19 Garfield
June 19 Tasmanian Devil
June 30 Kiss Superheroes
July 24 Marvin Martian
July 27 Bugs Bunny
Sept 4 Beetle Bailey
Aug 8 Garfield’s Odie
Aug 9 Smokey the Bear
Aug 9 Betty Boop
Aug 11 Ren and Stimpy
Aug 13 Bambi
Aug 13 Thumper the Rabbit
Aug 13 Li’l Abner
Aug 14 Felix the Cat
Aug 22 Peppermint Patty
Aug 27 Chip ‘n’ Dale’s Rescue Rangers
Aug 27 Tarzan
Aug 29 Speedy Gonzales
Aug 31 Foghorn Leghorn
Sept 7 Blondie
Sept 9 Fat Albert
Sept 9 Spiderman
Sept 9 George of the Jungle
Sept 9 Super Chicken
Sept 9 Fantastic Four
Sept 12 Harlem Globetrotters
Sept 12 Josie and the Pussycats
Sept 13 Scooby Doo
Sept 16 Road Runner
Sept 16 Wilye E. Coyote
Sept 23 Jetsons
Sept 24 Rocky and Bull winkle
Sept 25 Tom and Jerry
Sept 30 Captain Midnight
Oct 2 Charlie Brown
Oct 4 Snoopy
Oct 4 Dick Tracy
Oct 3 Woody Woodpecker
October 14 Winnie-the-Pooh
Oct 26 Doonesbury
Nov 1 Hello Kitty
Nov 18 Mickey & Minnie Mouse
Nov 18 Calvin and Hobbes
Nov 20 Itchy & Scratchy
Nov 21 Tweety Bird
Dec 10 Mighty Mouse
Jan 6 Pepe Le Pew
Jan 7 Buck Rogers
Jan 15 Krusty the Clown
Jan 17 Popeye
Jan 30 Lone Ranger
Jan 31 Green Hornet
Feb 4 Gumby
Feb 11 Archie
Feb 22 Pebbles Flintstone
Feb 28 Clark Kent
Feb 29 Captain Marvel
Mar 2 Dr. Suess
Mar 2 Elmer Fudd
Mar 2 Porky Pig
Mar 11 Frankenstein
March 12 Dennis the Menace
Mar 13 Uncle Sam
In Memory Chuck Jones – 1912-2002
I used to live, work and drink in San Francisco, North Beach to be exact. The closest you can get to Italy from the West Coast. I lived in a two story house with three Italian boys, natives who have been friends since Catholic school. During this time I became aware of spirit in more ways than one. By day I learned how to communicate with spirit, developing my abilities at a Berkley meditation center. By night I pushed “spirits” at the ever trendy Savoy Tivoli, an indoor-outdoor-bar-café on Grant Street where Compari with soda, Sambuca on the rocks and lattes with shots of Torani syrup were always in fashion.
At least once a month the boys would cook up what was know as their “wife beater” dinner party. Females were usually not invited to this intimate brotherly fests, however I was granted special attending privileges since I lived in the house. To attend this bash it was mandatory that one adorn a white tank top, known as the “wife beater” and immediately spill Chianti on your chest (which must have been some secret initiation that I was never filled in on.) As Frank’s swanky voice spun from a piece of bad seventies wood turn table furniture, we talked about sex, ate spaghetti, drank red wine and laughed our asses off until were in self-induced carbohydrate comas. Never making it to the party or club we planned to attend after.
Just like a MasterCard commercial, the memories and lessons I took away from those times are priceless. Like lesson number one: Sleeping with your roommates friends might seem like an exciting, enticing idea when you are drunk, but sober is a very different story…
Or lesson number two: Always drink your wine in a glass without a stem. Because really, what idiot in the whatever century way back when came up with the concept of the stemmed glass? Someone who evidently could stop at just one, or who didn’t drink at all. Someone who apparently did not take into consideration that one who is drinking not only has the task of balancing themselves, but trying to steady a glass of stain making liquid perched on a thin glass stilt at the same time.
And lesson number three: Alcohol was originally named “spirits” for good reason. Follow along as I enlighten you with what really happens when you inebriate yourself. You see the more intoxicated you get, the more open you become to receive, and I am not talking about prosperity. Call me the voice of reality, but I’m here to tell you that there is all kinds of stuff flying around out there kids and not all of it is good. Si, there is a big bad battle going on out there, but it’s not over oil, land, or religion, it’s over voi (that’s you in Italian.). Light and dark are very real. It is the choice between those two that gives us freewill. When one is sober, one is hopefully very particular about who and what they share their energy with, right? However, the more alcohol you send down your hatch, the easier it is for the darker stuff to come right on in, feed off of and take over you. Possibly you could wake up to discover that while your consciousness was taking a liquid vacation, your body carried out some awfully embarrassing, or tragic event. You are then left holding responsibility for actions you never ever intended on performing, not fun. And last time I checked, being out of body has yet to be an excuse that has gotten anyone off in our lovely legal system.
So if you believe that just because something or someone shows up on your path it’s because it is evidently supposed to be there, it’s time to think again. Sure you can offer free housing to the foreign spirits project if you like, but it might be in your best interest to be a bit more tuned in to the ratio of red wine to blood pumping through your veins and choose not.
Please note that I am in no way trying to put a damper on your partying or implying that it’s time for all of us to join AA. My work forces me to spend so much time getting in my body, there is nothing more that I enjoy than totally getting out! I’m just doing my psychic duty, informing you with tid bits of spiritual truths that you get to decide what you do with all on your own. Solute.
Aries: How you intoxicate: You find a sceney bar and become a regular fixture, drink lots of red wine, or tequila. Season your food: Rosemary, cilantro, and lemon. Take your coffee: a triple shot of espresso, eccellente.
Taurus: How you intoxicate: Stiff, strong and sometimes sweet, an apple martini or Manhattan nice, your taste buds can tell Absolute from Mezzaluna. Season your food: Parsley, oregano and lime. Take your coffee: Caldo Cappuccino.
Gemini: How you intoxicate: You’re a good person to be stuck in an airport bar with, you get your point across to others with a screwdriver, margarita or kaluha, Season your food: Ginger and parsley. Take your coffee: Vanilla nut roast, realmente.
Cancer: How you intoxicate: You love beer, bloody marys and tequila. You make a great party host, your refrigerator is always stalked and ready for guests. Season your food: Basil, garlic and pepper. Take your coffee: Mucho Mocha.
Leo: How you intoxicate: You are a great toast maker, drink top shelf all the way with VSOP, Chivas Regal, Louie or a Bellini. Season your food: Clove, nutmeg and parsley. Take your coffee: Macchiato, magnifi.
Virgo: How you intoxicate: You don’t drink without an occasion, drink non-alcoholic beer,and diet coke, when you splurge you drink a cosmo. Season your food: Tobacco, dill, cumin. Take your coffee: Double latte half decaf, half regular with soy, perfetto.
Libra: How you intoxicate: You like clean balanced drinks like gin and tonic, scotch and soda or jack and coke. Season your food: Salt and pepper, garlic and oregano. Take your coffee: Café au Lait, amore.
Scorpio: How you intoxicate: Best choice for a designated driver, but when not your poison would be a stinger of course, beer is your first love, when in need of something stronger you have a shot. Season your food: Garlic, pepper, ginger and curry. Take your coffee: Poco, Breve latte.
Sagittarius: How you intoxicate: Mix now think later, cure your hangover with another drink, and are always open to sampling exotic liqueurs distilled from mangos or lychees. Season your food: salt, cracked pepper, coconut. Take your coffee: Iced, grande.
Capricorn How you intoxicate: Easily mistaken as the owner of the bar, or the lead singer of the band that plays there, you like beer, vodka and coffee drinks. Season your food: Parsley, cilantro, cyanine. Take your coffee: Black with a shot of espresso in esso.
Aquarius: How you intoxicate: You order a pitcher of beer, round of shots and truly believe that you and your friends are all drinking as a team toward world peace. Season your food: Olive oil, garlic and ginger. Take your coffee: Organic raspberry tea, bello.
Pisces: How you intoxicate: You drink like the fish you are, can’t resist foofy drinks with paper umbrellas and colored straws like Sex on the Beach, Mai Tai, Pina Colada. Season your food: Rosemary, nutmeg and cinnamon. Take your coffee: Chai tea, merci.
Here is some sweet insight for you. My name is Justine and I am an addict, want to get high? Okay, I’m only talking about a sugar high, but as far as addiction goes, is there really that much of a difference between the sweet stuff and heroine? In all honesty, I assume there is a massive difference, however I really couldn’t tell you because I have never actually tried heroine. But sugar, been there, done that, still doing it, God help me.
When I am overcome with a craving, it seems that there is nothing in this world that can stop me from putting some form of sugar into my mouth. When I’m jonesing for a fix, just give me the frosting damn it, so I can jack up my body’s insulin levels and get imbalanced right here and now! You can bet I know how bad it is for me, or that I have consciously chosen to temporarily forget that I will soon after be feeling aggressively aggravated and going completely comatose. It sickens me that something so lifeless could hold that much emotional power over my will, or lack of it. Yet, I’m still left wanting more.
This wicked granulated ingredient is in just about everything we consume. Foods that you would never think. That salami sandwich you ate for lunch, sugar. The sushi you had for dinner last night, sugar. You might as well just open up your throat and poor a bag of sugar straight down it. Why if you start to explore a food label or two for yourself, you will gross yourself out over just what doesn’t contain it!
Who needs drugs when we are unconsciously sleepwalking though life in one big fat sugar induced coma. My psychic conclusion in all this is that sugar is simply pure evil. It is the test that temps our every feasting moment between choosing the light over the dark… and no, I am not talking about chocolate.
If you were a candy you would be:
Aries… a pair of Wax Lips because you are a master of the mouth. You are a smooth talker who can negotiate your way around any circumstance, with a snappy way of chewing someone out if you don’t like what they have just said or done unto you. If you are in a blue mood there is no hiding your dreary pout, however when you are happy, your gorgeous smile knocks everyone out.
Taurus…a Gobstopper because you are eternally on a roll. You have quite a reputation for diligently remaining ‘round for a long lasting good time. You have put up with layer upon layer of wet licks and puckering sucks that others could not so easily endure. At times you have had a hard edge or been a jaw breaking ball buster, but you always manage to smoothly and sweetly get exactly what you want.
Gemini…a box of Good N Plenty because you are a high rolling multi-tasker at heart. You dip your hands in a little of this and a little of that. Not everyone has the capability to chew, talk and walk at the same time, but you can handle that as well as any other ingredient that comes your way. Bright and tough skinned on the outside, tender spiciness concealed within, you are one flavorful dichotomy in a shinny variety all your own.
Cancer…a package of Pop Rocks because your spark is much more explosive than your bite. Your brilliant style ignites all the other fish in the sea while you fire off some snazzy, sizzling looks that leave quite a dazzling impression. You are unconsciously motivated by the moon, so when your emotions uncontrollably detonate from your tongue, blame it all on those damn spectacular lunar cycles.
Leo…a piece of Gadiva because you are a natural at soaking up the limelight while showing yourself off on the confection shelf. As your label reads you are the majesty of melting the insides of countless others with just one smooth kiss. Your dark magnetism and rich solidity are no imitation chocolate flavored covered cheep fudge. For you, only being smothered with the most delectable and decadent will ever do.
Virgo…a box of Red Vines because you are a long reliable staple. You are always a popular choice with the viewing crowd. You clearly have made your twisted-ness work for you. The instant anything rubbery persists, you knaw, tear and squish until you can rip through it and cross it off your list. Whenever you are feeling stale, you straightforwardly pull it all together and end up looking perfectly sweet under your wrapper.
Libra …a Payday candy bar because you search for the sugary rewards in every salty circumstance. Your sophisticated path to getting from here to there may drift a float, but you always substantially end up ahead. You are fortified with healthy solid ideals that take you to your nougat fueled financial destiny. You are a gooey romantic that has the power to charm any peanut to crack right out of it’s shell.
Scorpio…a box of Hot Tamales because you measure your life by how much passion you feel. Due to your secret sweltering recipe you attract an abundance of interest that sticks. You warm things up by creating a spicy mix of action packed into any game you play. From you exudes such a powerful force that your playmates best be careful to not be burned or scorched by your intense blistering flames.
Sagittarius…a piece of Laffy Taffy because you have the drive and determination to pull absolutely anything off. You bend and mold the stickiest of sour situations into a sweet smelling success. Because of this your travels shall be worldly and stretch to farthest lengths across the earthly globe. When it comes to telling how it is, you openly speak your mind as sour and tart as the truth may be to take, chomp and chew.
Capricorn…a bag of Jelly Bellies because you are packed with an assortment of colorful wisdom. When called upon to take a leap of faith, you are sensible in choosing just when to jump out of the bin. Your hungry ambition leads to savory success that always delivers flavorful fruit. With your practical tastes and feet planted on the ground you are consistently able to bare the beans when promised.
Aquarius…a Peppermint Patty because you are the independent leader in your own tasty pack. Any old sour suckers and cracked lollipops following you, haven’t got a bittersweet clue, because the only stock you crave is refreshing and new. Focused on the future you are as cool as they come. Innovative and original, you loyally follow your own course through the dark surface, the mushy middle and foily end.
Pisces…a Ring Pop because you illuminate like a sparkling, crystallized gem. Your fortune gleams from each and every facet in your jewel filled treasure chest. You call not unnecessary attention to yourself by keeping your brilliance and shine tucked behind the counter or locked away in a safe. But your ruby realness and emerald goodness are such and bright light, no combination is ever needed to undo you.
Have you ever walked into a room and felt peculiarly uncomfortable? Not necessarily due to who was in the room, but what was in there. Say your friend invites you over for a cocktail and some deep profound conversing. You’re in the midst of negotiating how the two of you alone can solve world peace, yet you find yourself distracted. From where you are sitting you are forced to stare at this painting that is hanging crooked on the wall. At this point world peace is going to have to be put on hold because for now your only thoughts are about straightening out the art work.
Your home represents much more than where you live and provides more than just a roof over your head. You can get a good idea of what’s going on inside of you by the house you keep. Are you a (perfectionist) neat freak who’s under ware drawer looks like Victoria’s secret retail? Do you keep your visible quarters orderly, yet (afraid to let others really see you) your closet is in constant chaos? Or perhaps you are a tad messy with your belongings spread out all over, but you know exactly where that very thing you (control freak) are looking for is?
Your habitat can be your own personal heaven or hell, by paying more attention to the most important relationship you have, the one with you. Think of it like this; just as your physical body temporarily houses your spirit, the address you dwell at becomes the sanctuary in which you pray at. (However, let’s replace the word pray with live.) Obviously what you wish to do with your space is all up to you. As in any situation, awareness is the key. The more comfortable you become in your sanctuary, the more in touch you can become with you and the closer you can be on your path toward creating the life that you desire.
As I have continually preached in this column, we all have a psychic sense whether we are in touch with it or not. Because of this we are unconsciously sensing the energies around us all of the time. Believe it or not, the colors you paint your walls, where you put your furniture, and how you decorate your dwelling all effect you on a daily basis.
Those of you with sleeping disorders who pop pills just to get some shut-eye, might find a cure by simply moving your bed. Energetically it is best for us to sleep with the crown of our head toward the East, but in reality, only you can find what personally works best. Perform your own experiment by moving your bed around in different directions and locations (in your bedroom) to discover which provides the most satisfying sleep for you. It might take some muscle and a few attempts to find the right spot, but I assure you that tranquil sleep is well worth a little effort.
Some years back the headquarters of the Bank of China in Hong Kong caused a little legendary stir. They constructed an angular high-rise designed with sharp shiny corners that in the practice of Feng Shui created a threatening discomfort to it’s surrounding competitors. Business people in the area complained that the building was deliberately designed against them and sought consult of their own Feng Shui masters to then combat the bad energy being directed toward them. Low and behold, the area soon recovered from the draining energies felt from the building. Life returned back to it’s original state of peace of prosperity there and thus began the now growing popularity of Feng Shui.
I am not going to attempt to teach you the art of Shuing your Feng here. There are plenty of books and professionals out there that you can consult for that. However, we are going to take a peak at how you decorate your space and see what additions you can make to have a happy home and an even happier you.
ARIES decorating style is: Ultra-modern and avant-garde, designer sheets, red, metals, gadgets, and fireplaces. Your home benefits by adding: An aromatherapy oil diffuser to keep your place smelling like a spa.
TAURUS decorating style is: Big and bold, feel over look, natural materials, Baroque, brocade, flowers, and pillows. Your home benefits by adding: A Bonzai Tree to connect you with and represent the Tree of Life.
GEMINI style is: Trendy and spacious, bright, saturated color hues, things in twos, stocked for guests and parties. Your home benefits by adding: A meditation area with shrine to center yourself and find the deeper you.
CANCER decorating style is: Shabby-chic, antique, picture frames, watercolors and garden accessories. Your home benefits by adding: A whirlpool for your tub so you can take a long soak after you’ve been crabby.
LEO decorating style is: Luxurious, sophisticated, one of a kind pieces, velvet drapes, leather couches, sunset colors. Your home benefits by adding: A padded toilet seat so you can truly be the king of your own thrown.
VIRGO decorating style is: Orderly, eastern, earthy, horticulture, dried flowers, handmade crafts, and a home office. Your home benefits by adding: A statue of the Ganesh to bring you good luck and fortune.
LIBRA decorating style is: Soft, sophisticated, bright, crystal vases, pastoral art, pink, and things in pairs. Your home benefits by adding: A canopy above your bed to keep you and your dream space protected.
SCORPIO decorating style is: Hidden spaces, reflective finishes, tapestries, wall sconces, antiques, and novelty collections. Your home benefits by adding: A Quan Yin goddess statue to bring you compassion and understanding.
SAGITTARIUS decorating style is: Multiculturalism, Italian designs, marble, candles, tubs, picture windows. Your home benefits by adding: A piece of religious art to give you some spiritually inclined culture.
CAPRICORN decorating style is: Traditional, understated, timepieces, faux painting, exposed brick, and stone. Your home benefits by adding: A Zen sand and rock garden to connect you to the East and the earth.
AQUARIUS decorating style is: Eclectic, futuristic, high-tech, white, metallic colors, gadgets, lofts and balconies. Your home benefits by adding: A telescope so you can visually venture out into the starry heavens.
PISCES decorating style is: Mixing over matching, fluid, round objects, curved lines, blues, greens and water fountains. Your home benefits by adding: A Tropical fish tank to connect you to your element and your siblings.
You might think that Halloween would be a favorite holiday for someone in my occupation. However, even as a child the notion of getting in some goofy get up and begging door to door for confections from strangers, was a concept that totally baffled me.
I suppose you could say I was a confused child to begin with. If someone could have given me a heads up that being a super sensitive freak of nature would eventually turn out to be a great endowment, oh the years of heartache it could have saved me. Instead, for most of my youth I was an easy target for other kids to taunt and tease without it even being Halloween. Little did I know that way down the road this holiday that I hated would end up being a major pivotal point in my life.
To add further disorientation to my upbringing, my parents for who knows what reasoning didn’t find it necessary to give out sweets. When it came to doling out the Halloween treats they gave out money, change to be exact. My dad would bring home rolls of coins from our shoe store and my mom would put them in a serving dish. I really don’t think they thought this out too well, because frighteningly I can remember swallowing a few, yes coins, not candy. (I know, I already said I was a confused child, but what kid don’t you know who unintentionally ended up with a coin in their colon, up their nose or in their ear?) So when the bell rang and the door opened, by the look on some of the neighborhood kid’s faces, I think they momentarily became as confused as I. Yet, when they went home that evening and checked out all that they had scored, they were some odd cents richer thanks to the strange family that handed out currency instead of candy.
I try to explain to people that visiting a psychic is like having unprotected sex or having plastic surgery. You want to be damn sure you know exactly who you are going to be sharing your energy with. I’m going to let you in on a huge secret here. You see, when I got my very first “psychic” reading, my roommates dragged me to an outdoor Reggae Fest where we each took turns sitting in front of a gypsy who read our fortunes. She predicted that I was going to drop everything and move to San Francisco. Being a fashion design student in Los Angeles with a 4.0, two years left to go and my entire life completely planned out since the ninth grade, I rolled my eyes and thought to myself, “ this woman is clueless.”
I don’t know what is more pathetic, the fact that I went to the gypsy in the first place or that I ended up dropping everything and moving to San Francisco for a guy. Either way, what she predicted had come true. So when my illusionary fantasy about the boy ended in painstaking heartbreak, it was time for another “reading.” I went in search of more psychic insight and here is where the story gets really scary. I was the one who didn’t have a clue. I happened upon a gypsy who, surprise, surprise, turned out to be a charlatan thief. She worked some hocus pocus black magic, freaked me the fuck out and ended up taking me for many pretty pennies.
As much time passed and I awakened to the realization that I had sadly been had, missy gypsy was soon to find out that she messed with the wrong girl. It didn’t take much to track her swindler-self down, although she was now operating out of a different location. Equipped with a big bad buff male friend, we confronted her and demanded back every cent I had forked over. Can you believe she gave it back? Not without of course informing me that she was “giving the money back, not because I threatened to go to the police, but rather because God wanted me to have it back.” Whatever the case, I considered myself to have something or someone more than luck on my side.
My quest for guidance lead me down the very long path of finding my own psychicness. After a few years of training, my first professional gig of putting myself out there as a real deal psychic was at a Halloween theme park where I read, six nights a week for an entire month. On the very first evening, my very first reading, was not just one person but an entire family of guess what? Suspense, suspense… gypsies. I was a bit uncomfortable as they crowded around me in a way that lead me to wonder if I was about to be mobbed. As I asked what I could answer for them, they stated that they wanted to ask about the well being of a friend. I immediately was shown that the person they were asking about had passed into spirit. I also was shown that these gypsies were testing me to see how genuine I was. I carefully explained that from my perspective, it looked as if this person was no longer living in the physical body.
What happen next was the experience that altered the rest of my life. The gypsies seemed to express an utter amazement over my ability to see what I saw. I must have passed their test because they all got individual readings from me. Although this family had no relation to the crooked woman who initially took me for my first psychic reading ride, this incident seemed somehow to bring me karmically full circle. I knew right then and there that this psychic healing thing would not just be my hobby, it was going to be my life. And that was fourteen Halloweens ago.
Halloween comes from the designated time Hollowed Eve. A day way back when that was originally set aside by the Christian Church to commemorate all the Saints who were not remembered on any other day. It seems that this once sacred occasion has now turned into a wet-t-shirt contest to see who can hold the grandest out of body festival. Still ranking as my least favorite holiday, I am amazed that people spend months and months preparing to look as outlandish as they can possibly be. They actually look forward to running amok and intermingling energies with thousands of other spirits in the streets of West Hollywood, Castro or Chelsea. Cheers to them. As for me I’ll be staying in my body, safely tucked away in the comfort of my own home waiting for the night to be over.
ARIES costume choices: Actor, Fashion Designer, Police Officer.
TAURUS costume choices: Banker, Pirate, Prince, Princess.
GEMINI costume choices: Astronaut, Doctor Evil, Favorite Super Hero.
CANCER costume choices: Ghost, Jailbird, Prostitute, Scarecrow.
LEO costume choices: Devil, President, Movie Producer, Uncle Sam.
VIRGO costume choices: Athlete, Cult leader, Jesus, Rock Star.
LIBRA costume choices: Race Car Driver, Witch, Vampire, Zombie.
SCORPIO costume choices: American Indian, Doctor, Ghost, Nurse.
SAGITTARIUS costume choices: Angel, Cupid, Tourist, Favorite Animal.
CAPRICORN costume choices: Austin Powers, Cinderella, Playboy Bunny.
AQUARIUS costume choices: Adam, Eve, Hippie, Statue of Liberty.
PISCES costume choices: Alien, Cheerleader, Hippy, Psychic.
11/02 THANKING FACE
On this day, in this moment, I graciously give thanks. Thanks that when I open my mouth my teeth are all still there. Thanks that when I open my eyes my eyeballs have not been poked out by rocks. And thanks for the big reminder that even though I’m psychic, I’m still human.
In honor of Thanksgiving I’m forcing myself here to search the deepest darkest crevices of my entire being to find whatever minuscule scrap of gratitude I can conger up. I’m bitter, I’m bruised, I‘m puffy as hell, but at least I’m still alive.
Forecasting my own future, it looks like I can expect a lot of waiting around for time to pass and healing to happen. I’ve decide to record this painful account to the keys of my laptop. I figure that if this distressing chronicle ends up imbedded in print, perhaps it can act as an unconscious reminder to myself; Note to self, please never ever create this situation again.
Unfortunately this isn’t the first time, but the second, I have partaken in a regrettable incident involving a mountain, a downward descend and a fall break with my FACE. One need not be psychic to get this message, “Psychic Girl stay off the mountain!”
By recommendation my legs are plopped up over a stack of pillows in hopes of creating a blood rush to my head that is supposed to cause the swelling to lesson. Remote control in hand, I scan some 300 plus cable channels to find that there is absolutely nothing on. This gives me ample time to torture myself by reminiscing over and over again. How did I miss the clues warning me of what was to come and how did I get my injured ass in this dreadful predicament? God, if only I was suffering from an ass injuring. At least I could venture out from the cabin fever causing walls of my house. On second thought, getting up and going anywhere is but a daydream. As soon as the double dose of Advil I just swallowed wears off, I‘m going to be in a lot more pain. Add to that the shame and embarrassment of looking like I have a wife beater boyfriend at home, for now I‘m staying put.
I have however accomplished a lovely limp down the hallway where I made my way from bedroom to kitchen back to bedroom again. Quite a feat spent to retrieve my latest find in fashion accessory that I have just pulled out of the freezer and am now sporting on my face. This ice pack makes me look so sexy in a Hannibal Lecter kind of way. I think it’s mostly used to recover from plastic surgery (that one has planned for) or if one has taken twelve rounds with Lennox Lewis. All I know is whoever invented this thingamajig is a damn genius. Not only does it deaden my smarting, but while I’m wearing it I get to temporarily forget that positioned underneath it is my freshly acquired and always unstylish road jerky (mountain jerky in this case.)
Given all the wardrobe choices one has to choose from, wearing scabs has never been a fashion statement I was looking to make. You know there never really is a good time for one to acquire bodily harm. Especially to one’s mug where it is impossible to hide the evidence of eating it. Even with a talented make up artist and all the cover up in the world, it only ends up looking like you are trying to cover something very ugly up.
Come to think of it, this makes for a really good reality show. Let’s take a group of people, confine them to a compound, beat the shit out of them and the one who heals the quickest wins free health care for life! What do you think? Is it too similar to that Big Brother show where they emotionally beat the crap out of each other? I know I’m starting to sound loopy, I’m allowed, I have a head injury.
It really tests my patience when people give that lame excuse that everything happens for a reason. Yes, it’s true everything does. But before you drop the reason why into the great abyss, please let me share. From what I have come to see (psychically) the answer to the reason why, is that someone (me in both cases here) was not inattention. That left the door wide open for some funky energy to come in and allow some bad accident to manifest. This is how bad things happen to good people. This is how I fell down a mountain and broke the fall with my face, twice! And this is why I’m giving thanks for this opportunity to become more aware, but I’m still never stepping foot near nature again.
ARIES: At Thanksgiving dinner you arrive fashionably late to the party. You give thanks with confidence and enthusiasm. You’re prone to injure your face and head.
TAURUS: At Thanksgiving dinner you only eat gourmet food. You give thanks warmhearted and lovingly. You’re prone to injure your throat and have a thyroid problem.
GEMINI: At Thanksgiving dinner you take both turkey wings for yourself: You give thanks with wit and eloquence. You’re prone to injure your arms, hands and shoulders.
CANCER: At Thanksgiving dinner you host and prepare the feast. You give thanks shrewdly and cautiously. You’re prone to injure your chest and stomach.
LEO: At Thanksgiving dinner you want to be at the head of the table. You give thanks generously and warmheartedly You’re prone to injure your heart and spine.
VIRGO: At Thanksgiving dinner you watch what you eat. You give thanks modestly and shyly. You’re prone to injure your liver and have digestive or intestinal problems.
LIBRA: At Thanksgiving dinner you dole out equal portions. You give thanks diplomatically and charmingly. You’re prone to injure your kidneys and immune system.
SCORPIO: At Thanksgiving you are the sexiest at the table. You give thanks with determination and forcefulness. You’re prone to injure your sinuses and reproductive region.
SAGITTARIUS: At Thanksgiving you skip dinner and go camping. You give thanks straightforwardly and philosophically. You’re prone to injure your hips and thighs.
CAPRICORN: At Thanksgiving dinner you sit at the head of the table. You give thanks practically and reservedly. You’re prone to injure your skin, knees and joints.
AQUARIUS: At Thanksgiving dinner you eat tofu turkey. You give thanks with originally and honestly. You’re prone to injure your legs, knees and ankles.
PISCES: At Thanksgiving dinner you lead grace. You give thanks with compassion and kindness. You’re prone to hurt your ankles, feet and immune system.
12/02 CONNECT THE EVES
When I was a child, every New Years Eve my parents would ship me off to my grandmother’s so they could bring in the new with their party friends. My parents were and still are partiers. Little did they know that I knew that they liked to smoke pot, pig out on gourmet junk food and watch porn. (Ewe, sometimes I wish I did not know all that I know and see all that I see.) Note that my parents are far beyond the age where I can give them the excuse that they were hippies. I used to use reverse psychology on them by telling them that I worried when they would smoke and drive.
Rripppppppp. Wait; wait a minute. Scratch all that; I’m actually trying to tell a totally different story here. Let’s begin again.
You know how some people can take one thing and connect it to anything, so that it ends up having some deep esoteric meaning to them? This is going to sound a lot like that.
Being a psychic, I have heard just about every freaking crazy circus ride sideshow scenario story that can take place in and around the human, maybe not so human existence on earth and a few other places too. Normally I’m the person you come to that makes experiencing the experiences that are really, really out there make some kind of sane sense in an insane world. Why, I have been asked to illuminate the mysterious, proliferate the profound, and help Hollywood find the hidden mysterious meaning of it and to it all. So you might be surprised to discover that it’s also my job to expose the opposite of all that. I sometimes delicately, and sometimes not so delicately rationalize that nine times out of ten, playing connect the dots is just a good game of mind f*ck.
Follow along and connect the dots as we count down a sequence of spiritual events that happen to happen to me. In sharing this with you I realize that I frighteningly end up sounding like one of my own clients. Oh, the sacrifices one makes all in the name of raising consciousness.
Dot 10: New Years had always been an excruciatingly painful event for me. I had no idea why, but even as I grew up and older no matter where I was or what I did, Los Angeles, San Francisco, or New York, I just wanted to die, literally.
Dot 9: Every time I would go on camera, I radiated the raw essence of a deer in headlights. I don’t mean that I didn’t have any on camera experience, I’m talking unconscious-out-of-body-wake her up from her coma deer in headlights to the point that lead me to believe that something very wrong was wrong with me.
Dot 8: Taking matters into my own palms, I picked up of all things the Hollywood Bluebook and found a hypnotist that specialized in helping people in the entertainment industry with problems. (If that’s not an oxymoron.) So off I went eager to deproblemize myself.
Dot 7: While under the influence, (of hypnosis) which actually was more like a deep meditation, I experienced a past life regression. I saw specifics that came through so clear it was like watching a movie in my head. I saw a woman, an event, I got what year it was, I even got her name. I expected to see myself in the past being very bad at what I was trying to do now, instead I saw myself being very good. Hmm, interesting. I didn’t know who the heck she was, but Mr. Hypnosis man said that he did.
Dot 6: Not realizing the profound effect my regression had made on me, I waited about a month before googleing my newfound supposed past identity. When I did, astonishingly chronicled in history were the very details I had got in my regression. HOLY PAST LIFE, I found that this woman who I maybe was back when, had accidentally killed herself just five minutes before she was to go on the theatrical stage on New Years Eve! Freak out. Who in the world could I share this information with who wouldn’t think I had gone absolutely fruit loops?
Dot 5: The next time I went on camera, the deer was far from dead. All of a sudden being on camera came natural. The show producers said they were happy. Magically somehow I was transformed into the opposite of girl in coma on camera. Praise the Lord, PsychicGirl was healed!
Dot 4: That wasn’t the only proof and evidence, the next New Years Eve, I hilariously spent at some young hottie actor boy’s house in the hills who starred in some little movie called the Titanic. (Which lead me to question if Leo lost his past life on the actual Titanic, but I stopped myself because he’s really not my type and I was just so damn happy that I wasn’t crying in a ditch somewhere wanting to kill myself!)
Dot 3: Obviously, I now had no choice but to obsessively collect every bit of information on this woman I could find. Let’s just say that the number set in italics beside my username on ebay is in the 3 digits. The more I discovered about this woman’s past, the more unbelievable similarities I identified with my present self. The kind of stuff that is just too coincidental to brush off. Like the fact that when this woman died she was going deaf and when I was born I had such a sensitivity to sound that I pretty much had to walk around with my hands covering my ears until I was about seven. This is just one of the countless connections that she and I share. To this day I find it rather difficult to not believe that we are the same soul.
2: So we find that sometimes connecting the dots actually can lead to somewhere like finding a cure to the unexplainable. Yet, I don’t suggest that you all run out and try this at home. Doing so can be known to alter your consciousness and change your reality as you know it forever.
1: When all else fails, dots are known to make for a handful of colorful confetti that you can throw up in the air on an eve such as New Years.
On News Years Eve you:
ARIES: Are first to suggest where to go.
TAURUS: Go on a dreamy date.
GEMINI: Find the most lively crowd.
CANCER: Hang with family members.
LEO: Get lovey dovey and romantic.
VIRGO: Plan the night’s celebration.
LIBRA: Celebrate over the top extravagantly.
SCORPIO: Become the life of the party.
SAGITTARIUS: Take a top floor hotel suite.
CAPRICORN: Dine with colleges.
AQUARIUS: Bungee jump off a bridge.
PISCES: Get naked in nature.
The dots of stars that connect to make up your sign’s constellation are best seen at 9pm in the month of: