5 Reasons Why Your Someone New is a Bad Idea
by Lori Bizzoco
The first few weeks of a relationship can be a deliriously happy time. You’re just getting to know your new guy, and the humdrum of daily life with this person hasn’t kicked in quite yet. But, even at this early stage, there are warning signs that can tell you whether or not your relationship is heading down a road filled with gravel and potholes. Here are five tip-offs that your new beau isn’t “The One” for you.
1. It’s entirely physical. Strange as it may sound, it can be difficult to determine if you and your partner’s relationship is built solely on physical attraction. Sexual compatibility is, of course, an important component of any relationship, but it sometimes ends up being the only thing you two have in common. If you’re having difficulty differentiating between physical and character-based attraction (it’s harder to do than you may think), consider how often you pine for others with different personality traits than your partner’s. Author Monique Honoman says, “When you find yourself daydreaming about someone else — even a fictitious someone else — who acts differently, looks differently, treats you differently, and talks differently than your current partner, then you know your new partner isn’t the best fit for you.”
Related Link: Four Telltale Signs He’s NOT The One
2. You don’t have the time. Being in a healthy relationship requires both time and effort. Precisely how much time and effort the relationship deserves is up to you. In this career-oriented, heavily-scheduled modern age, you and your partner may have different opinions of how often you’re together. If your significant other needs you to spend more time away from the office than you’re willing to sacrifice (or vice versa) and you can’t seem to compromise, there’s a very good chance that your relationship doesn’t have a future.
3. Relationship expectations are different. Your significant other wants a non-committal romance, but you’re ready to settle down. Many men and women enjoy spending time together but with different expectations of what the relationship should be officially “labeled” or what the other person wants. It doesn’t matter if you both have the same tastes in music, movies, and architecture if you don’t have similar expectations for what you are looking for in a relationship.
4. You don’t want the same things. Differing views on children or opposing stances on the old city-versus-country debate are hardly deal breakers for a summer fling. These differences are major red flags if you’re looking for Mr. Right though. Professional life coach and and relationship expert Amy Schoen stresses the importance of sharing core values with your partner. “For example, if a healthy and active lifestyle is important to your boyfriend, he may be upset if you don’t enjoy cooking meals after work each day or hiking on the weekends.” Don’t assume that your partner will change or that you’re obligated to sacrifice your dreams for the sake of your relationship. After all, you both deserve to be happy.
5. You’re changing yourself. There’s nothing wrong with paying a bit more attention to your appearance or masking your eccentricities for someone you want to impress; however, there is a difference between putting your best self forward and pretending to be someone you’re not. According to celebrity psychic Jusstine Kenzer, there are four lifestyle traits of our personality: our communication habits, our activity level, our financial beliefs, and our sexual response. “These traits are as much a part of us as our DNA, and they can’t be permanently changed,” she explains. “Sure, you may be able to hide them or temporarily alter them — like wearing colored contact lenses to change your eye color — but that’s all.” Concealing your basic preferences and characteristics is never conducive to a healthy, honest relationship.
Lori Bizzoco is the Executive Editor of CupidsPulse.com, a first-of-its-kind website that takes the latest celebrity news and repackages it to help singles and couples navigate their love lives. She is a sought after relationship and entertainment expert who has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Newsday, Chicago-Tribune, Working Mother, Woman’s Day, Redbook, Parenting, and on Fox News, The Suze Orman Show, WebMD, Match.com, JDate, YourTango, and more. She’s appeared in two books, ‘No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think about Power’ by feminist icon Gloria Feldt and ‘Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband)’ by Andrea Syrtash. Today, CupidsPulse.com has more than one million unique visitors per month.