FLAUNT MARCH 02
YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEAR

I’ve been in training my entire life to write this. In fact, my very mortal existence just may be about unveiling the following unto the consciousness of man. By the time this has gone to press, God himself may have come down and granted me a pass off this planet with immunity from reincarnating ever again. (Yes, psychic and psychotic are quite a bizarre dichotomy but we’ll save that crux for some other month.) For now join me for some enlightening psychic education about the art of dressing.

The founder of Alcoholics Anonymous was a Spiritualist that believed in mediums. I need to send a psychic message requesting that he inspire his predecessors to start addiction to cable TV meetings. I hate that I get so sucked in to those True Hollywood Celebrity and Behind the Music stories. The only thing that can get me to change the channel is the Sunday night brilliance on HBO where for a few hours the fashions are oh so fabulous and I am transported to somewhere that seems very far away from here. Far away from the diet gurus of the famous on Extra preaching: “You are what you eat.” Well this energy expert says they got it wrong. “You are what you wear.”

To back up what I have here confessed, off I go browsing through my personal recollections of spiritual study notes and psychic insights. Tucked away in my “very important - do not forget” file I find the following fact: When you die, you are remembered not for your intentions, but for what you actually do. Wow. And just like a press pass holding photographer’s flash bulbs exploding on the red carpet at some cheesy star studded awards show, Melissa Rivers is screeching, “How could she wear that?..No Golden Hanger for her!” I download from above a whole new awareness of why we are a culture obsessed with the clothe.

Before we go further I should first explain my self-proclaimed expertness. I have long been a member of the Church of Fashionistas. Named after my grandfather who started our family business of clothing and shoe stores over four decades ago, it’s encoded in my DNA. The first family vacation I remember was to Disneyland. But, before I could meet Mickey I had to accompany my parents to a shoe show. To this day my fond memories of see-through six inch platforms with live goldfish swimming around in the heels surpass all the E ticket rides I have ever been on put together. I grew up with a mother who wrote me notes to miss school just so we could go shopping. I became a fashion designer. My life was all planned out untill my psychic side work over took my design work and my destiny was sewn. Hence, ENOUGH about me. I assure you there is something to the sales pitch here.

For every time you have ever formed an opinion of another based on their appearance, you now can re-contemplate exactly how superficial you were being. I’m not saying that you are here by granted karmic free permission to come up with unjustified assumptions of others. Yet, how you display yourself for the world to see, is the very manifestation of your creative energy which basically translates the energy vibration of YOU. Get my vibe yet?

Let’s investigate why one feels like a million bucks in Gucci, easygoing in Gap, and poor white trash in (all I could think of was MC Hammer pants, but I’d hate to insult anyone so please enter your own idea of white trash here.) Have you ever wondered why vintage shopping can leave you feeling funky or why your lucky shirt is so lucky? Because as Einstein figured out, everything is energy. Unfortunately that means there is much more lurking in that second hand leather jacket than just a bad case of B.O. Scary huh. Just as when two people enter into a relationship their energies start to merge together and over time the two become more and more one. The same goes for your wardrobe. Since like attracts like, your lucky shirt attracts the same until you experience something not so lucky while wearing it. The next time you do, it doesn’t feel that lucky anymore and the affair has run its course. You decide to ditch the shirt, donate it to Goodwill and the shirt takes on an afterlife all its own.

For all of the clothes hanging in your closet that you’ll never wear but can not find the will to throw away. You are hereby justified in feeling attached to an extension of yourself. I know I’ve had judgement passed off on me been for saying no to loaning out a garment from my cherished collection. You bet it’s personal. You couldn’t even begin to put a price on my psychic shopping skills. I have shopped long and hard hours, we’re talking blood, sweat and tears here. So to let you take the credit for looking absolutely amazing in one of my finds would be like loaning out a piece of my soul. It’s hard enough to find a guy I'm excited about exchanging energy with - so forgive me if I keep this relationship all to myself.

The truth is we are all psychic. Whether you are in touch with it or running from it. Your creative expression on any form is not perpendicular, but parallel to your spiritual path how ever you choose to create yourself. You don’t have to sculpt a Michelangelo, or paint a Monet. You can bring your creative energy into being by being the best damn window washer downtown as long as you dig what you do and look damn good doing it!

Finally, getting back to my original point. That person crossing the street sneaking a peak isn’t just checking out what your wearing, they’re reading you on way more than just the surface level. So get dressed, go out and set a new trend today. Whereupon your day, your week, your entire life could turn out much different than predicted. All due to what you have put on you.

Aries: You set trends, make fur and flip-flops work together and glam out in black and Gucci.

Taurus: You spend to look good, skip trending, do classic tailored looks in neutral colors.

Gemini: You experiment, take looks over label, adorn your wrists and like your closet messy.

Cancer: You attach to comfort, jewelry, the color green, and clothes that mix well with sand.

Leo: Bold and flashy, you choose appearance over comfort, and claim victory in Versace.

Virgo: You perfect simplicity, lean toward the conservative, the traditional and fall into the Gap.

Libra: A fashion crisis curer, you love shopping, it shows, don’t care about price, are Armanified.

Scorpio: Master of disguise no slave to fashion, you dress romantic and do undergarments well.

Sagittarius: You dress for yourself over others, wearing what you like until it till it's no longer wearable.

Capricorn: You stylize practical, classical, bargain hunt, accessory splurge and wear a cell phone.

Aquarius: You change your hair color, like thrift stores, turquoise, anklets, sandals, and nakedness.

Pieces: Attracted to glimmer objects, you’re a chameleon, bargain, thrift shopper, who digs shoes.