FLAUNT JUNE/JULY 03
PSYCHIC VACATION

No matter how much you like someone, there's no better way to wreck a relationship than going on vacation with them. When I was young, my family would go on vacation together. My dad (shoe store owner) had this compulsion to go into every shoe store we saw to measure up the competition, even though these stores were hundreds of miles away from ours. Systematically he would go in to the chosen store, do his walk through to sum up the place and of course would let it be known to the poor person who was working the store that he owned shoe stores too. Dad got to feed his ego and I unconsciously was brainwashed that vacation equals work. To this day I don't vacation well.

When I was even younger my friend and her parents took me camping. She had a an older brother who was a miserable monster. He took this trip as his opportunity to let me know just how much he liked me. As we were playing make believe in the woods, he shot me in the finger with his be be gun. (My first not so nice experience with nature.)

Years later I went on a trip with some other friends to their cabin on a lake. They had a boat which we motored out into the middle of the lake in. Next they cut the engine of the boat while we just sat wading in the water. I asked what we were doing and they replied that we were just hanging. Oh. Hanging was completely a foreign concept to me. I had no clue how to just hang. Then just about when I could take the doing nothing no longer, we decided that I should attempted to water ski for the first time. I barley got up on the skis when a bee flew right into a finger of the fingerless gloves I was wearing and stung me (which by the way was also my first bee sting.) I blew up like a red puffy blow fish as welts developed over my entire body. Another lovely experience with nature for my memory book. The last vacation that I took was in January. A girlfriend invited me to go to Sundance. Not because she had a film showing in any of the festivals. But to do some marketing for the company she worked for handing out freebees to VIP festivalgoers. I got to tag along for the ride, and oh what a ride it was. This trip, left me feeling like I needed a whole other vacation to recover from it. On the ride to the airport we anticipated how much fun yet was to come. But, by the time we boarded for the flight home, my friend and I weren't even speaking.

Due to yet another incident with nature.and this guy Pal. This time I wasn't personally injured, just the car that was rented in my name was. Pal is this intoxicated inebriated friend of my friend who decided that on top of whatever else he was tripping on.it wasn't enough. No he then dropped some x .took the rented Excursion out four wheeling in the snow at some insane dark hour of the night and drive the car into a ditch. Needless to say.we awoke in the morning to find a fucked up car and Pal void of all memory of what took place. All I can say is thank God for rental insurance. How my friend ever forgave Pal for his actions, that is not for me to judge. I guess she forgave him the same way I forgave her for inviting him on our vacation. Nature on the other hand doesn't seem to be so forgiving to me.

Aries: On vacation you struggle with calling home and work, but finally allow yourself to relax and go with the flow. Your dream vacation is any beach with a breeze, a drink in your hand, and a sexy companion. Your idea of nature is room service at the Hilton.

Taurus: On vacation you are the great adventurer, but your stubborn nature makes your companions think of you in very different terms. Your dream vacation is to strange and distant lands like climbing Mt. Everest. In nature you embrace the call of the wild and live off the land.

Gemini: On vacation you schedule every single detail of your including bathroom stops and how many minutes for lunch. Your dream vacation is 17 countries in 7 days. Nature is fine just as long as it can keep to your schedule.

Cancer: On vacation your lightning quick temper has every travel agent and concierge knowing your name, your preferences, and that still isn't good enough for you. Your dream vacation is being pampered at a very expensive spa, waited on hand and foot. You have a love hate thing for nature....you love it .....it hates you.

Leo: On vacation you dive right into the culture of wherever you are and instantly dub yourself a native. Your dream vacation, any cosmopolitan city is prime. In nature, nature, what is nature?

Virgo: On vacation your frugal nature takes over and doesn't allow you to fully enjoy the fruits of your labor. Your dream vacation is a cruise to the Caribbean that you got on e-bay for a song. You have a great love for nature and since camping is free.

Libra: On vacation no matter where anyone else wants to go, it is your way or the highway. You don't need a tour guide, you are the tour guide. You dream of a romantic trip to Venice, but the practical side allows only a trip to the Venetian in Las Vegas. You love being in nature and it rejuvenates you.

Scorpio: On vacation you explore the darker sides of the places you visit, venturing down the unmarked paths. Your dream vacation is Bangkok, Morocco, The Seychelles or any Sandals resort. You think nature is a good excuse to get naked.

Sagittarius: On vacation you love to do something you've never done before. Skydiving, parasailing or. Your dream vacation is a beautiful island in the South Pacific where you can scuba or surf the days away. You are one with nature.

Capricorn: On vacation you can't decide, go with the tour or venture out on your own. You end up staying in your room with a good book and a glass of wine. Your dream vacation is somewhere logical, practical and emotional.....Disneyworld. In nature you love the beauty but you hate the bugs.

Aquarius: On vacation you never get to go or do what you want. Even when you travel alone you end up having to bend to someone else's idea. Your dream vacation is to Rome where you will satisfy your creativity, love of romance and history. In nature you are like a duck in a pond.

Pisces: On vacation you'd have a great time if you could decide to which direction to go in because you want to do everything all at once. Your dream vacation is on a Tahitian beach while riding the roller coaster in Coney Island at the same time. You think you can handle being in nature, but after ten minutes it's time to go home.