FLAUNT APRIL 2002
EASTER CHICKEN

There are many ways for one to display an egg. Be it basket, Seder plate, Faberge stand, hidden in technology or smothered in hollandaise. Which ever you favor, Easter is among us and it’s all about rising up. Resurrection, ascension, I like the idea of a holiday centered around an erection.

Seeing that I am a Bat Mitzvahed Jew, I'm not even going to try and strech my intellect around trying to discuss what other religions beleave about Jesus or not. I love being Jewish, I know my soul picked exactly what it wanted this time around. However my psychic life experience has left me no choice but to believe in things that most organized religions strongly do not. In my bible, anything that tells you what to think, versus how to think, is basically the definition of a cult. With that said, I promise I will not be boring you with my grand ideals and greater concepts on religion, Easter, Passover or the price of unleaved bread. With the world being in such a weird place I think we are all in need of a visit from the Easter Chicken. Yes Chicken, because bunnies are for wearing, (all the models are wearing fur again you know.)

When I signed on for being a seer, I took on the duties of reading, researching and exploring every bit of information I could bend my mind around. You see the more stuff I know, the more buttons the guys upstairs I am working with have to push in my head to try and get their message accross. So while some people take up hobbies of ebaying tchotchkies and stamps, I get off on collecting knowledge. Over the years I've built a quite a library of odd facts and unique particulars. Thank gosh, I landed this groovy gig in Flaunt where I now get to impress you with all my stchick.

I had a sheltered childhood. I’d never want to assume nor admit that perhaps my mother was racist, but why wasn’t I informed that brown eggs existed until I moved away from home? White shelled eggs are laid by hens with white feathers and brown shelled eggs are laid by hens with red feathers. There is no difference in taste or nutrition between the two. Who knew? Now you do.

I read somewhere that In the kitchen eggs are the cement that holds the castle of cuisine together. It made me think ind of like in life, faith is the adhesive that keeps one adhered to the road of their spiritual path.

Gowing up while all the goy children were being brainwashed that Jesus was a blue-eyed, blonde, white boy. I was corrected by my father that Jesus actually was a Jew. What my dad did not tell me was that, Jesus was actually a black man (Go Sammy Davis Jr!) Okay, not black, but dark skinned like every other native born at the East end of the Mediterranean.

A mother hen turns her egg over about fifty times per day so the yolk won't stick to the sides of the shell. This gives the egg the fullest opportunity to reach it’s highest destiny, providing nourishment to the one who chooses to feast on it. Lucky for the hen, the egg doesn’t have the consciousness to turn around and say thanks. Looking back, my mother smothered me that much, picking me a part and turning me inside out, that I too was lead to search for what turned out to be my spiritual destiny. Unlucky for her, thanks isn’t the only thing I can turn around and say.

Aries: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: to assert yourself and seek action and adventure.Your biggest spiritual lesson: The world revolves, but unfortunatly not around you. Noteable spiritually inclined Arieans: Thomas Jeferson, Harry Houdini, Maya Angelou, Ram Dass, Linda Goodman. Scary Arieans: Pat Robertson, Elizabeth C. Prophet.

Taurus: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: only to obtain material possessions or if there was more security on the other side. Biggest Spiritual lesson: Finding detachment from your desires by creating. Noteable spiritually inclined Taureans: William Shakespeare, Florence Nightingale, Princess Diana, Pope John Paul II, Shirley MacLaine, Enya. Scary Taureans: Adolf Hitler, Jim Jones, Ayatollah Khomeini, Saddam Hussein, Marshall Herff Applewhite.

Gemini: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: because you didn’t know what was on the other side, and to keep from having a boreing mundane existence. Your biggest spiritual lesson: You must to ask to recieve. Noteable spiritually inclined Geminis: Anne Frank, Norman Vincent Peale, Brigham Young, Walt Whitman, Art Bell. Scary Geminis: Marquis de Sade, Jack Kevorkian, Latoya Jackson.

Cancer: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: only to escape danger. Your biggest spiritual lesson: The reaization that your actions effect others. Noteable spiritually inclined Cancers: Mary Baker Eddy, Dalai Lama, Marianne Williamson. Scary Cancers: Henry VIII, Kenith Star, Mike Tyson.

Leo: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: with great enthusiasm for the opportunities it provides. Your biggest spiritual lesson: You can do more by going within than egoing out. Noteable spiritually inclined Leos: Helena Blavatski, Karl Jung, Sydney Omarr. Scary Leos: Napoleon, Mussolini, Fidel Castro, Jerry Falwell, Amy Fisher.

Virgo: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: for the good of other chickens and because it is the proper or correct thing to do. Your biggest spiritual lesson: There is perfection in not being perfect. Noteable spiritually inclined Virgos: Mother Teresa. Dr. Phil. Scary Virgos: Ivan the Terrible, Micky Cohen, Rev. Robert Schuller.

Libra: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: but stop in the middle trying to decide which way to go, making the crossing a considerable risk to yourself and others. Your biggest spiritual lesson: Learning to rest your mind, (sleeping does not count.) Noteable spiritually inclined Libras: Annie Besant, Aleister Crowley, Gandhi, Oscar Wilde, Jesse Jackson, Deepak Chopra, John Edwards. Scary Libras: Heinrich Himmler, Klaus Barbie, Lee Harvey Oswald, Anne Robinson.

Scorpio: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: because you promised to do so. Your biggest spiritual lesson: You can not win the battlle between you and yourself. Noteable spiritually inclined Scorpians: Carl Sagan, Gandhi. Scary Scorpians: Charles Manson, John Gotti, Billy Graham, Tonya Harding.

Sagittarius: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: for passion, to explore unseen parts of the world, and to be free. Your biggest spiritual lesson: What you see as simple may just be sublte. Notable spiritual Sagittareans: William Blake, Margaret Mead, Uri Gellar. Scary Sagittareans: Sai Baba, Ted Bundy.

Capricorn: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: to achieve the success you feel should be yours. Your biggest spiritual lesson: What you percive to be your biggest problem is actually your greatest gift. Notable spiritual Capricorns: Joan of Arc, Isaac Newton, Nostradomus, Carlos Castaneda, Yogananda, Martin Luther King, Muhammad Ali. Scary Capricorns: Joseph Stalin, Mao Tse-tung, Jimmy Bakker, Marilyn Manson.

Aquarius: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: because it is forbidden to do so, and by doing so it will be easier for others to do so in the future. Your biggest spiritual lesson: To lead with authenic entusiasm versus control. Charles Darwin, Abraham Lincoln, Oprah Winfrey. Scary Aquarians: The Loch Ness Monster, Oral Roberts, Jerry Springer, Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

Pieces: If you were a chicken you would cross the road: because you had a vision that inspired you and you saw that the happiness you are seeking was on the other side. Your biggest spiritual lesson: Don’t judge books by their covers. Noteable spiritually inclined Pieceans: Albert Einstein, Edgar Casey, Dr. Seuss. Scary Pieceans: Tammy Faye Bakker, Sally Jessy Raphael, John Gacey, L. Ron Hubbard, Osama Bin Laden.